Relative Direction
by Protector23
Summary: Because everyone notices and nobody cares when Lisbon falls apart, afflicted by trauma and mental illness.
1. Chapter 1

Breathe out.

Breathe in and then breathe out. Face relaxed, left side tense. Her leg pulled into her chest as she gathered new strength feeling her feet digging into the bathroom floor.

"I'm an adult, this is ridiculous. No, shut-up—I need this," she thought to herself.

Breathe in, reposition. Breathe out, feel the blade. Breathe in, listen as the warm blood kisses cold skin. Breathe out, give your suffering substance.

There is nothing for her in this world. Not the love of a child, nor the compassion of a lover. What family she has doesn't need her, and might even prefer if she were dead. Her existence means nothing to anyone around her, not even to her best friend. If she were to leave, Jane would find another team to work with without a second thought to what might have happened to her. She has nothing and she is nothing, nothing special or beautiful. She is just in the way.

With blurred vision, the realization that the knife had somehow been thrown to the other side of the room came accompanied by a throbbing disappointment in her chest. She cried because she was tired and sick and sad and couldn't remember anything accept what Agent Green had done. Lisbon's head lobbed forward, her arms went limp.

* * *

"…play it again…Johnny!" Mrs. Barbara swayed and bounced to the tune in her head, "maybe yo' cold, but you so warm inside…" The birds were not singing with her, as they were still asleep cozy in their nests just before sunrise. She shuffled her way down the Bureau's third-floor hallway pushing the large janitorial trolley to begin mopping. First, she noticed a smell. Then, she noticed the blood.

Mrs. Barbara continued singing while opening the women's bathroom door, "I was always a fool fo' my Johnny…"

Abrupt. "Dear Lordy!" She saw the blood, the cuts, the pills, the body, the knife, the mess. "Now how in Jesus' name am I goin' ta clean dis mess?" She muttered to herself, "I swear I don't get paid enough fo' all a dis. I'm goin' ta hafta call in somebody else to come help me up here."

She sent for another member of the cleaning crew, "You see all dis, Linda?"

"Aw, yes ma'am I do Mrs. Barbara. We got ourselves a mess. How we gonna do dis, now?"

Barbara shook her head, "Well, I don't know. I was thinkin' dat we could mop around 'her and put dat knife in her lap so it's not in anybody's way."

"Pick up all dem pills, too?"

"Well, we goin' ta hafta, baby."

They proceeded, doing only the minimum to ensure the body wouldn't be too much of a problem for any other agents working in CBI HQ.

* * *

**I'm planning on this being a rather long story due to the brevity of the chapters. They should all be about this length and may have up to 20 chapters before it's over. Please review/comment or whatever to give me some feedback on whether you are interested or not. It seems kinda confusing now, but all good things take time. There is, indeed, a method to my madness.**

**Thank you dearies.**


	2. Chapter 2

In a scurry of feet rushing through and in and out and around and about, Lisbon dreamed. Or imagined. Or died. To her, the world had quickly transformed into an arena of grayish fog that made her uneasy. She trudged forward a bit, noting the blackening leaves covering every inch of the ground despite the absence of trees. There were things in this place she didn't understand; a broken wine glass, a ragged bowl filled with muddy water, a bloody knife similar to…

Look away. Don't think. Don't remember. "It wasn't my fault," but it was. It desperately was.

In the distance she could make out a figure. She tentatively maintained her pace, weary of who might be waiting. Closer, they're kind of short. Closer, it's a woman. Closer, long hair. Closer, pale skin.

Closer, no.

Closer, it isn't. But it is.

Lisbon saw her mother, standing a few feet away from her, details muted by the mist. She could cry and run towards her and hug her, but she didn't. In shock there stood a middle-aged cop. A cop showing no emotion. It took a few minutes before she allowed tears to fall and nearly run towards the woman she hadn't seen since the accident. Eyes shut. Left side tense. Teresa didn't take time to look into her mother's eyes before she hugged her.

Warm on the inside, growing colder on the surface. Wetter. The skin of her mother's shoulder, Lisbon noticed, was not the silky texture it was seconds ago. It was red, and bloody, and shredded. In horror she pulled back, hands gripping Mom's shoulders. The face she couldn't make out, didn't look at before she embraced her, wasn't there. It was replaced by a soup of torn off skin, burnt extremities, bleeding and battered eyeballs, and anger.

Stomach drops. Muscles stiff. Sound absolved. Teresa stared in awe and terror.

In a moment the woman's broken jaw would open, allowing bloody and flakes of flesh to spill out onto her daughter's clothes. "HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THOSE HEROS WHO DIED FOR YOU?" The scream was loud, painful, wrought.

Lisbon collapsed, unanswering, "YOU ARE NOTHING AND NOW THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE," the bones sticking out from the back of her hand made it particularly more painful for her child when she was slapped across the face. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

* * *

"Ugh, I know, right? She smelling up the whole bathroom with dried blood," Deena gossiped. "I don't know what I'm going to do if maintenance doesn't get rid of her before noon, I have to pee!"

Alexandra shook her head, "I know! I feel bad, though."

"What for," Deena asked surprised.

"Well," Alex began, "I just feel like we don't give the janitor's enough credit, you know? They do so much for us…"

"I suppose you're right," Deena admitted. "I'll have to catch you later, though. I have a forensic report for Grace."

She clacked in her high-heels towards the Homicide Team's bullpen, "Here you go, Grace."

"Thanks," VanPelt muttered.

"Hey, would you mind doing me a favor? My team and I are so busy today with residue analysis that I don't think I'll have time to call in that bathroom problem. Since she's Senior on your team and al, do you think you could get that taken care of?" she shuffled off before she could here Grace's reply.

Great.

* * *

**This is going to begin to make sense within the next two chapters, so hang in there with me! This one is kinda messed up and there will be similar snippets for a while but they will go away eventually. Promise! Thanks to those who reviewed and motivated me to continue!**


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